Post by Houndmomma on Sept 18, 2006 0:40:39 GMT -5
Snappy Answer #1
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets.
As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket, and he opened
his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat she said, "Sir, I need
to see your ticket, not your stub."
Snappy Answer #2
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but
couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, Do
these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're
dead."
Snappy Answer #3
The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled
down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day", the cop said. The kid
replied, "Y eah, well I got here as fast as I could." When the cop finally
stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
Snappy Answer #4
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that
reads low bridge ahead." Before he knows it the bridge is right ahead of him > and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles.. Finally, a
police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks around to the
truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?" The
truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."
Snappy Answer #5
THE TEACHER Snappy Answer OF THE YEAR
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I
won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might
consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in
your immediate family but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!" Jon in the
back of the room raised his hand and asks, "What would you say if
tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"
The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering.
When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at Jon,
shakes her head, and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the
exam with your other hand."
BONUS Snappy Answer
A girl was visiting her blonde friend who had acquired two new dogs, and
asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one
was named Rolex and one was named Timex. He friend said, "Whoever heard
of someone naming dogs like that?"
"Hellooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo" answered the blonde. "They're watch
dogs!"
Can't get enough? The BEST is LAST!
A pompous minister was seated next to a TEXAN on a flight to Dallas. After
the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The TEXAN asked for a
whiskey and soda, which was brought and placed before him. The flight
attendant then asked the minister if he would like a drink. He replied in
disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by ten whores than let liquor touch
my lips." The TEXAN looked at the minister, then handed his drink back to
the attendant and said, "I didn't know we had a choice."
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets.
As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket, and he opened
his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat she said, "Sir, I need
to see your ticket, not your stub."
Snappy Answer #2
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but
couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, Do
these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're
dead."
Snappy Answer #3
The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled
down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day", the cop said. The kid
replied, "Y eah, well I got here as fast as I could." When the cop finally
stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
Snappy Answer #4
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that
reads low bridge ahead." Before he knows it the bridge is right ahead of him > and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles.. Finally, a
police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks around to the
truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?" The
truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."
Snappy Answer #5
THE TEACHER Snappy Answer OF THE YEAR
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I
won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might
consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in
your immediate family but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!" Jon in the
back of the room raised his hand and asks, "What would you say if
tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"
The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering.
When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at Jon,
shakes her head, and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the
exam with your other hand."
BONUS Snappy Answer
A girl was visiting her blonde friend who had acquired two new dogs, and
asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one
was named Rolex and one was named Timex. He friend said, "Whoever heard
of someone naming dogs like that?"
"Hellooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo" answered the blonde. "They're watch
dogs!"
Can't get enough? The BEST is LAST!
A pompous minister was seated next to a TEXAN on a flight to Dallas. After
the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The TEXAN asked for a
whiskey and soda, which was brought and placed before him. The flight
attendant then asked the minister if he would like a drink. He replied in
disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by ten whores than let liquor touch
my lips." The TEXAN looked at the minister, then handed his drink back to
the attendant and said, "I didn't know we had a choice."